The theory of the five love languages has become so popular that many people do not even know the original source - the best-selling book by Gary Chapman "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Love to Your Companion".
This is reported by the Dr. Evin website.
Not only that the book is still in demand, special tests are also popular among women. However, you probably won't need them: it's easy to determine your love language.
What is the essence of the concept of the five love languages
Gary Chapman, who outlined the concept of the five love languages, is an anthropologist, PhD and a deeply religious man who has resolved hundreds of family conflicts. His book was released in 1992, at which time it became a recognized bestseller for many years to come. And although for more than thirty years the theory has been debunked, most psychologists still recommend reading it to those who want to improve relationships with other people: not only with partners, but also with friends, relatives and even children.
A child, Chapman notes, is a "vessel," and for harmonious development it needs to be filled with love. If it is empty, it begins to demand attention. Parents perceive such behavior as a caprice and distance themselves even more. The vessel does not disappear with age: adults still try to fill it with love, but may feel unhappy if they do not receive it in the form they are able to accept it.
Next, Chapman separated the concepts of "love" and "falling in love."
If the second is temporary and leaves as unexpectedly as it comes, the first is a conscious choice of a person, requiring attention and discipline. The expert is sure that love must be constantly worked on - if you try for your partner, you not only make him happy, but also make yourself happy. However, your efforts may be in vain: what seems pleasant to you, will not necessarily be to your man's liking.
Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages
The specialist calls the ways of expressing love "languages" for a reason. From the point of view of linguistics, anthropology and philosophy, people, he noted, are "speaking" creatures - this is what distinguishes them from animals. Every person, like a people, has a language. In the relational concept, there are five. As a rule, each individual is most "understood" by only one or two.
Words
For someone who speaks this language, constant praise is necessary. When such people are admired, commented on and their deeds are appreciated, they are ready to roll mountains. Words of encouragement will help your partner feel significant, and this in turn brings you closer. After all, do not forget to confess your love directly in text - it is important for such people to hear cherished words from time to time. Be careful - if your partner does not understand this language, he may consider your confessions as empty words that are worthless.
Time
Quality time is the key to a happy life with a man who speaks this language of love. It is not enough just to be with him formally, scrolling through social media feeds, the important condition is to give all your attention. For example, jointly engage in hobbies, housework, talk and so on - for hours to maintain direct contact. Mistakenly, partners in this case may believe that they are required to solve all the problems of the beloved/loved one. In fact, you need to show that you hear everything, understand and sympathize, you are there for them. Thanks to such support, the person will cope with everything on his/her own.
Gifts
The language of gifts is often misinterpreted, distorting the true meaning. Because of the stereotypes accepted in society, it is easy to assume that they are mercantile individuals who only try to sell themselves more expensive for a luxurious gift, but it is not so. Speaking this language, the cost of gifts, as a rule, is indifferent - much more important is the symbolism, the emotional value of the thing. In this case, it matters how individual the gift is: such people appreciate the effort behind the gift: if you spent your time looking for it and spent a long time racking your brains, it will not go unnoticed. But even simple surprises like a chocolate bar are sure to please.
Help
Personalities of this type often think about doing everything themselves: the inaction of a partner offends and hurts them. Actions for this group of people will always be much more important than words. Support can be different: it is not just a question of sharing responsibility for household chores. Helping can often be an act of caring and even acts of courtesy. Helping to carry a heavy bag, holding the door, pushing the right button in the elevator, helping with an idea or advice - these are all welcome forms of interaction.
Touches
Those for whom this love language is "native" will not endure long-distance relationships because they cannot imagine communication without touching. They take their partner's hand at every opportunity, stroke his shoulder, snuggle and love to kiss. Tactility for them determines the level of trust. Therefore, it is important to maintain physical contact throughout the day. They will appreciate lunch together during a break more than endless messengers, and in case of shocks they will find more comfort in a strong hug than in words of support or gifts.
How to identify your love language
You don't need a pen or a piece of paper: it's easy to take the love language test. Ask yourself: what do I ask for most often and how do I express love? If you always come to your friends with gifts, love to leave chocolates on your colleague's desk and are genuinely happy when you receive magnets from your travels, your love language is gifts. Do you love hugs, consider them the best way to comfort and are not embarrassed if you are unexpectedly patted on the shoulder or held by the elbow in a conversation? Touch is just what you need.
You can do the opposite - talk about what hurts the most. If it is condemnation from your partner, one of your main love languages can be words of encouragement, praise. Holding a grudge against a spouse who's always missing work? It's probably important for you to spend more time together. Of course, all of us sometimes want and kind words, and joint pastime, and the touch of a loved one, and help, and gifts, but the whole point of the system in prioritizing to better understand yourself and your partner.
It's important to remember that relationships are work. Therefore, if you can't determine your love language right away, don't give up. You can ask your partner for help and kill two birds with one stone: apply all five approaches to each other and monitor your reactions and feelings. What can you live without, and what seems particularly inspiring and pleasurable? We recommend keeping things intriguing and setting time limits: for example, agree that you will randomly and deliberately use your love languages during the work week and share your experiences at the weekend by giving each other a surprise in an appropriate style.
It is also recommended to read the material entitled "Alcohol before sex: aphrodisiac, relaxation or a threat".
