According to statistics, there are 7 divorces per 10 marriages in Russia.
This is reported by the Dr. Evin website.
Why many people find it more difficult to get married every year, how to bring back the former passion and breathe new life into seemingly outdated relationships - will tell Maria Popova - international certified ICF coach, certified ORCT psychologist and psychologist in progress, an expert in working with thinking.
Main reasons for the increase in the number of divorces
Unreasonable expectations we place on a partner
Before you expect something from your partner, try to do it yourself. The sky will not open up, and even your subscribers will not know (unless you tell them about it) that you, for example, bought flowers home yourself. Stop expecting any action from others and create your own happiness and your best life.
Inability to hear each other and negotiate with each other
Develop partnership and trust in relationships. Don't make things up for the other person and don't expect them to guess what you are thinking and dreaming about. The most effective is to speak with words through the mouth. Then there is a high probability that you will not need a family psychologist.
The idealization of marriage
There is no such thing as an ideal relationship. If only because each person endows this concept with different qualities and properties. Allow yourself and your partner to be non-ideal. Treat conflicts not as a reason for divorce, but as a point of your growth and development.
You can't call a good thing a marriage: why do many couples find it harder every year?
Unspoken resentments and grievances accumulate like a snowball.
Protracted conflicts lead to lack of intimacy, common goals and interests. Disgust for each other appears. Marriage becomes cohabitation.
Partners do not put intention into their relationship. Like V. Zeland:
"Give up the intention to receive, replace it with the intention to give, and you will receive what you gave up."
Listen to yourself: what you want to get from this relationship. After all, we do not care so much about a person's qualities and actions as we do about our feelings and sensations around them.
It is important to talk through your feelings and thoughts in the moment. It's not enough to just say you don't like it. Our brain doesn't understand denial, it needs a guide to action. It is important to say how you want it to be and how you want to feel around the person.
You can't run away from yourself: what really lies behind the phrase "didn't agree"?
Like attracts like. Husband and wife are like mirrors for each other. Very often the partner highlights our strengths and weaknesses. If you notice only negative aspects in a partner, it is important to remember that you are like looking at yourself in a mirror. Usually we do not like those character traits or qualities that we persistently do not notice or do not want to notice in ourselves.
And then, like in a horror movie: everything we pay attention to gets bigger. And if we look at the disadvantages, it is them that get bigger, not the advantages.
Unless you work through these "flaws" in yourself, you will not get divorced. In every subsequent relationship your partner will, one way or another, "mirror" these "flaws" to you.
Everything in me is reflected outward: where do crises, scandals, misunderstandings come from?
It is purely out of an internal conflict with oneself. When a person does not understand his true needs, does not hear himself, does not know what he wants - he is not comfortable with himself. This also affects relationships with other people, especially with those closest to them.
Lost case: how not to dissolve into a relationship, children and shared life?
You will still have everything you had before marriage: friends, hobbies, dreams, goals and work. If there are some things you didn't have but would really like to have, now is the best time. It doesn't matter how old your child is now or what problems your husband is having at work. Don't betray yourself for the interests of other family members.
Despite having a husband and children, it is important to make time for your interests. Include at least one of them in your daily to-do list. Yes, even hobbies should be planned, otherwise this item will be put off "for later".
Shift your focus to yourself. Work on yourself, not on the relationship. Men love interesting, strong, healthy and happy women. That's the way the world works. Just accept it. Be happy for yourself. Identify your interests. Find and schedule your activities beyond the common, family activities.
Set your boundaries and respect your partner's boundaries.
Burn bright lest it go out: how to refresh the staleest of relationships?
Remember how you idolized your man at the beginning of the relationship. When his touch gave you goosebumps and butterflies fluttered in your stomach.
You know what's changed? No, it's not that your man's become stale and dry. You stopped seeing him as the best man on the planet. Therefore, you stopped declaring your love for him, admiring him, thanking him, praising him, and supporting him.
You want a relationship like you did in the beginning, then act like it.
Gave flowers - praise, express your gratitude, not blame for wasted money.
Believe me, if you will enjoy every little thing, every sign of attention, then your man will find opportunities to please you. Even if your man can not afford to give you expensive gifts, then remember that this is temporary.
Any man will become successful next to a woman who knows how to notice merits, say nice words, praise, thank and support.
In 1966, Robert Rosenthal, an American psychologist, selected some students in a school. He told the teachers that these children were highly intelligent. In fact, their IQs did not differ from those of other schoolchildren: the children were chosen at random. After a while, Rosenthal retested their intelligence levels. It turned out that the students he had chosen did indeed have higher IQs: they were better students and showed marked progress. Why did this happen? The deceived teachers focused their attention and the attention of the "geniuses" on their merits. If a person is told he is an idiot and an asshole, that's exactly what he will be. And vice versa: if you tell him that he is a genius and a gentleman, that is exactly what you will "get" out of him.
No one ever got better from constant criticism.
Gratitude is a useful new habit
It seems so simple and straightforward. But do you remember the last time you praised your husband for something? Not casually or through gritted teeth after his, "At least you said thank you," but out of sincere impulse. Challenge yourself. Have you heard that it takes 21 days to form a new habit? So write down next to the habit of drinking a glass of warm water in the morning, note your husband's efforts and praise him for at least one of them.
Every man has his own superpower. Even if yours seems pretty ordinary to you. Perhaps he is a jack of all trades and fixes everything in the house. And someone else, imagine, her husband can not even hammer a nail, and have to call every time a husband for an hour. Or he without unnecessary reproaches to your address washes the dishes or floors when you are tired, while another man gives instructions to his wife, lying on the couch. A lot of things over time we take for granted and stop appreciating it. Notice even the little things. The devil, as we know, lies in the details.
To see incredible change, all you have to do is try starting with yourself.
It is also recommended to read the material entitled "Sexopathologist names the best sex positions for older people".
